Sometimes I can feel crushed under the weight of my life. Emotions, stress, school, relationships, responsibility, energy--it can all be pretty intense, and when you are feeling the weight of those things.... well, it feels pretty lame and sucky. You feel tired. There's no peace. Even sleep doesn't do the job. It's awful! I've been there before!
But recently I encountered a situation that had previously been a 'crushing' experience--one that it would be very difficult for me to encounter without feeling some sort of emotional/physical turmoil. I even started to spend some time that night laying in bed, just thinking about this situation...you know what i mean. Just thinking. No resolution, no helpful progression of thought, just immobile thinking. Lame! That keeps you up half the night!
But Christ began to show me how I was viewing this particular situation. My view was from my perspective--viewed through emotion, position, etc. Very limited in scope. He then asked me to look with Him at these things going on. It was like I was trying to look at something a mile or two away while standing in the forest. I could maybe see what it looks like and make decisions off of that, but Christ was desiring to take me up into a tower, an airplane, a satellite to show me that particular thing I was looking at.
When you're looking with Christ at something, your perspective changes. Completely. You see it from a different angle. "Ohhhhhhhh!" you say. You might see things surrounding it that you didn't before. "I didn't even see that there!" You actually see where YOU are in relation to that. "Huh! I prolly don't even need to worry about this right now!" Seeing things with Christ is absolutely wonderful!
So, after spending some time awake, sifting through immobile thinking, Christ actually wanted to take me to this place of looking with him. When I did, things just clicked into place. Where I had been unable to come up with a way to deal with this situation, Christ revealed the way. Where I was unsure about my position, Christ gave me peace. I was able to go back to the same exact situation the next day, totally convinced of my place in Him, and encounter it in a completely different way--a way not based what I see with me, but what I see with Christ.
This is for life. We're one with Christ. This is who we are now. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
'My viewpoint' is actually from a dead man's eyes. But Christ is actually giving me life, and giving me sight to see the things around me, and beyond the scope of what Zach can see alone. Praise Jesus.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Gimme my tuition back
Even though my professor was really cool, and it seemed like class would be fun, and there was quite an attractive young lady in the class, I still dropped the course when I found out it wouldn't transfer to Wayne (though I considered keeping the class for a good 8 seconds).
No worries, I still got Brit Lit 1 to keep me company for the next few weeks.
No worries, I still got Brit Lit 1 to keep me company for the next few weeks.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The focus of the Season
This semester is going to be very cool, but i anticipate it to be possibly/probably challenging. My life is going to be extremely focused for the next couple of months--3 major areas of my life will be centered around working with youth: my work (at the 'field Zone), my school (pre-student teaching), and at church (with the youth). I don't think my life has ever been this focused. It's pretty much youth and worship right now. The Lord hasn't really allowed there to be any room for focus on anything else right now--it's kind of crazy. Even though I've tried to pull things into it, they actually never came into fruition, and i was really frustrated as to why they weren't working...
...until I realized the focus of the season. There is some really intense stuff being put in front of me, and it's going to be awesome. Anything extra would really just be a distraction, and would hinder me not only in these areas of worship and youth ministry, but also hinder me in my ability to hold whatever-it-is up as well.
Let's face it. I've always had a huge desire for...well, ultimately a wife. I've spent years trying to put stuff together, to create the circumstance and relationship that would allow this desire to be fulfilled... and I've done a pretty bad job at it. The Lord has been clear--for MONTHS--that finding a spouse is NOT my focus right now, and I've actually gotten to the point where I believe him. It's kind of strange, to be honest. It changes behavior, it changes the grid of importance.
This has just been something stirring in me for the past few months, and it really began to bubble and boil in the last couple of weeks. Just pray for me in this season--it's gonna be a good one.
...until I realized the focus of the season. There is some really intense stuff being put in front of me, and it's going to be awesome. Anything extra would really just be a distraction, and would hinder me not only in these areas of worship and youth ministry, but also hinder me in my ability to hold whatever-it-is up as well.
Let's face it. I've always had a huge desire for...well, ultimately a wife. I've spent years trying to put stuff together, to create the circumstance and relationship that would allow this desire to be fulfilled... and I've done a pretty bad job at it. The Lord has been clear--for MONTHS--that finding a spouse is NOT my focus right now, and I've actually gotten to the point where I believe him. It's kind of strange, to be honest. It changes behavior, it changes the grid of importance.
This has just been something stirring in me for the past few months, and it really began to bubble and boil in the last couple of weeks. Just pray for me in this season--it's gonna be a good one.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Upholding, Maintaining, Guiding, and Propelling
I had to take this semester off of school for financial reasons--basically, I had to come up with $3600 before I was allowed to take any more classes. And as of last week, that tuition was paid off (Yes!!). I was (and still am) REALLY excited to go back to school... I really ENJOY school, and was very eager to register and get started again in January.
I spent this weekend moving classes around, getting excited for class, registering, getting excited, scheduling, getting excited, and etc. And one of the first things that actually hits me monday morning is seeing how much all this is going to cost. Right when I see that big fat number, I immediately get into this anxious mode: "How am I going to pay for tuition", "Why do I have to take these classes", "What am I going to do?", etc. I was bummed! Even after that, I begin to encounter all sorts of dynamics that seem to be going against this genuine excitement for my education.
I had an assignment this week to look at Hebrews 1:1-3, spend some time focusing on it, and then look at different areas of my life through the 'lens' of that specific scripture. The 'Big 3' I have at the time are my Education, my relationships, and my 'personal growth'--for lack of a better term. Initially, I was somewhat hesitant--I normally don't spend a large portion of time dedicated to such a concentrated portion of scripture.. but, in submission, i persevered. Here's the reference:
"In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, (3)but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. (3)The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven." Hebrews 1:1-3, NIV
So what? Sweet. Jesus. Glory. King. Yes yes yes. But where does this impact where I am now? "Now God, I've sure got a lot of ISSUES, so you need to tell me HOW THIS APPLIES."
Ok. Sure! The Holy Spirit began speaking to me almost immediately--initially in this area of school. I actually wrote down this passage from the NIV before i actually 'got started'.
"...through whom he made the universe..."
Through Christ, Wayne State University exists and is still functioning today. Through Christ Wayne State University was made, and Christ is the heir to Wayne State University. He has "made, produced, built, operated, and arranged" WSU to be what it is right now.
This slightly changes my attitude when I hand Wayne a check for a couple of G's. My money isn't going into the pocket of some Dean or professor--Well, yeah, it is--but the person that is actually operating Wayne State is Christ. I'm actually giving my money to Christ in the act of paying my tuition.
When I see if like this, it is much more comforting than just thinking I'm giving money to the man. It changes what I can expect by me investing in this education experience.
The Universe--which just happens to include my education, my relationships, and my 'personal growth', is not, contrary to popular belief, upheld by my "mighty word of power." My education, my relationships, and my 'personal growth' is actually upheld by Christ's mighty word of power. What a relief!
'Sustaining' is the word used in the NIV, but in the amplified, it says something different: "He is [...] upholding and maintaining and guiding and propelling the universe by His mighty word of power." Sweet! What does this actually mean?
Praise Jesus for Webster!
Uphold: To support or defend (from criticism)
Maintain: To keep in existence or continuance; to affirm; to hold against attack; to keep in a specified state or position.
Guide: to direct the movement or course of.
Propel: to drive forward or onward.
This is powerful. This totally makes a difference in how I view my current position at Wayne State, or my current state of singleness, or my current spiritual/emotional state. Jesus Christ's mighty word of power is upholding, maintaining, guiding, and propelling ZACH FIFELSKI.
It continues to amaze me how much of the gospel isn't about me. This whole U-M-G-P thing isn't something I'm doing. It's not even something I can say "Ok, God! I'm going to LET you do this thing now!" It is HIS mighty word that is UMGPing it up--holding my college journey together, holding my relationships together, holding my life together.
This isn't just a preachy, feel good, change-your-mindset belief system. This is the Message of truth--this is the Gospel.
It's just the truth.
I spent this weekend moving classes around, getting excited for class, registering, getting excited, scheduling, getting excited, and etc. And one of the first things that actually hits me monday morning is seeing how much all this is going to cost. Right when I see that big fat number, I immediately get into this anxious mode: "How am I going to pay for tuition", "Why do I have to take these classes", "What am I going to do?", etc. I was bummed! Even after that, I begin to encounter all sorts of dynamics that seem to be going against this genuine excitement for my education.
I had an assignment this week to look at Hebrews 1:1-3, spend some time focusing on it, and then look at different areas of my life through the 'lens' of that specific scripture. The 'Big 3' I have at the time are my Education, my relationships, and my 'personal growth'--for lack of a better term. Initially, I was somewhat hesitant--I normally don't spend a large portion of time dedicated to such a concentrated portion of scripture.. but, in submission, i persevered. Here's the reference:
"In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, (3)but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. (3)The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven." Hebrews 1:1-3, NIV
So what? Sweet. Jesus. Glory. King. Yes yes yes. But where does this impact where I am now? "Now God, I've sure got a lot of ISSUES, so you need to tell me HOW THIS APPLIES."
Ok. Sure! The Holy Spirit began speaking to me almost immediately--initially in this area of school. I actually wrote down this passage from the NIV before i actually 'got started'.
"...through whom he made the universe..."
Through Christ, Wayne State University exists and is still functioning today. Through Christ Wayne State University was made, and Christ is the heir to Wayne State University. He has "made, produced, built, operated, and arranged" WSU to be what it is right now.
This slightly changes my attitude when I hand Wayne a check for a couple of G's. My money isn't going into the pocket of some Dean or professor--Well, yeah, it is--but the person that is actually operating Wayne State is Christ. I'm actually giving my money to Christ in the act of paying my tuition.
When I see if like this, it is much more comforting than just thinking I'm giving money to the man. It changes what I can expect by me investing in this education experience.
The Universe--which just happens to include my education, my relationships, and my 'personal growth', is not, contrary to popular belief, upheld by my "mighty word of power." My education, my relationships, and my 'personal growth' is actually upheld by Christ's mighty word of power. What a relief!
'Sustaining' is the word used in the NIV, but in the amplified, it says something different: "He is [...] upholding and maintaining and guiding and propelling the universe by His mighty word of power." Sweet! What does this actually mean?
Praise Jesus for Webster!
Uphold: To support or defend (from criticism)
Maintain: To keep in existence or continuance; to affirm; to hold against attack; to keep in a specified state or position.
Guide: to direct the movement or course of.
Propel: to drive forward or onward.
This is powerful. This totally makes a difference in how I view my current position at Wayne State, or my current state of singleness, or my current spiritual/emotional state. Jesus Christ's mighty word of power is upholding, maintaining, guiding, and propelling ZACH FIFELSKI.
It continues to amaze me how much of the gospel isn't about me. This whole U-M-G-P thing isn't something I'm doing. It's not even something I can say "Ok, God! I'm going to LET you do this thing now!" It is HIS mighty word that is UMGPing it up--holding my college journey together, holding my relationships together, holding my life together.
This isn't just a preachy, feel good, change-your-mindset belief system. This is the Message of truth--this is the Gospel.
It's just the truth.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
40 days of...
There's a lot of '40 days' stuff going around I feel... '40 days of blogging'... '40 days of writing a song every day'... '40 days of fasting'....
Honestly, it seems kind of attractive. I start to think 'Hmm, what's something that I can do for 40 days that will be awesome and challenge me?'
I don't rightly know. I've honestly played with little ideas of cool creative things here and there, but never really followed through with anything... i mean, when it comes down to it, i have big ideas, but i think too much, and they get too big in my brain, and i get to a point where i say this is too much and i back off.
One step at a time. I'm in the process of completing a project that is long overdue--you'll hear more about this as it gets closer to the new year--after there, who knows. Maybe i finally will pull the next 'project' off the self for the world to see.
Honestly, it seems kind of attractive. I start to think 'Hmm, what's something that I can do for 40 days that will be awesome and challenge me?'
I don't rightly know. I've honestly played with little ideas of cool creative things here and there, but never really followed through with anything... i mean, when it comes down to it, i have big ideas, but i think too much, and they get too big in my brain, and i get to a point where i say this is too much and i back off.
One step at a time. I'm in the process of completing a project that is long overdue--you'll hear more about this as it gets closer to the new year--after there, who knows. Maybe i finally will pull the next 'project' off the self for the world to see.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Bobby
One of our 'usuals' came into panera today--Bobby. Coolest looking guy ever. He's a biker grandpa--totally sports the leather and the gigantic long beard, and still manages to look like the gentlest dude you have ever met (he actually calls me dude). He's been coming in for the past couple of years. I've talked to about bikes and Macs and all sorts of awesome things that he's into.
A year or two ago--back when the MDCC Tribe was still meeting up--the Lord put Bobby on my heart. I found out that his wife had been diagnosed with cancer, and I remember at one of the meetings the Lord showed me a picture that i believed he wanted me to share with Bobby. I dont think i ever did, but i definitely remember Bobby being one of hte first customers at Panera that i openly told that I was going to pray for. I found out Bobby is actually a christian--totally awesome. He came in every now and then, I would ask him how his wife was doing and he would give me updates and i would continue to pray for him. As time went on, he would come in less and less.
Today he came in, and i havent seen him in a while... I think I saw him at Leos in royal oak one time... but it had definitely been a few months... He saw me and smiled and waved and we started catching up...
...and i found out his wife died a couple months ago. He just came right out and said it. "I'm not doing too good, man." He was on the verge of tears. Apparantly, she had gotten HEALED of cancer--Bobby testified to that--and she had gone into the hospital for something else, and had been overdosed on morphine. This is where i go ????
The absolute pain that this man was in was heartbreaking. I went to the side with him and he was just talking... I didnt even know what to say. He has got to be at least 70 and he is just pouring his heart out to me right in the middle of panera bread.
I really didnt have any grid for what he was going through, and I told him that. All i could say was that God is still good... that God was in control... and I did not understand the situation at all... but that Jesus was much bigger.. and in Christ there was peace.
At the same time... i DONT know what to say. This is the point when I really go "Do I really believe what I'm saying?" I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this kind of heartbreak that Bobby is going through. But the Gospel is TRUTH. I do not understand why Bobby's wife died...but the Gospel is Truth.
idk.
i've been on this issue of death for a couple of weeks. idk why. its really challenging me, and by that I mean i am challenged. I am struggling for the "right words" or whatever or the "right mindset" in this place. All i have is Jesus, and thats all i can give to people.
A year or two ago--back when the MDCC Tribe was still meeting up--the Lord put Bobby on my heart. I found out that his wife had been diagnosed with cancer, and I remember at one of the meetings the Lord showed me a picture that i believed he wanted me to share with Bobby. I dont think i ever did, but i definitely remember Bobby being one of hte first customers at Panera that i openly told that I was going to pray for. I found out Bobby is actually a christian--totally awesome. He came in every now and then, I would ask him how his wife was doing and he would give me updates and i would continue to pray for him. As time went on, he would come in less and less.
Today he came in, and i havent seen him in a while... I think I saw him at Leos in royal oak one time... but it had definitely been a few months... He saw me and smiled and waved and we started catching up...
...and i found out his wife died a couple months ago. He just came right out and said it. "I'm not doing too good, man." He was on the verge of tears. Apparantly, she had gotten HEALED of cancer--Bobby testified to that--and she had gone into the hospital for something else, and had been overdosed on morphine. This is where i go ????
The absolute pain that this man was in was heartbreaking. I went to the side with him and he was just talking... I didnt even know what to say. He has got to be at least 70 and he is just pouring his heart out to me right in the middle of panera bread.
I really didnt have any grid for what he was going through, and I told him that. All i could say was that God is still good... that God was in control... and I did not understand the situation at all... but that Jesus was much bigger.. and in Christ there was peace.
At the same time... i DONT know what to say. This is the point when I really go "Do I really believe what I'm saying?" I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this kind of heartbreak that Bobby is going through. But the Gospel is TRUTH. I do not understand why Bobby's wife died...but the Gospel is Truth.
idk.
i've been on this issue of death for a couple of weeks. idk why. its really challenging me, and by that I mean i am challenged. I am struggling for the "right words" or whatever or the "right mindset" in this place. All i have is Jesus, and thats all i can give to people.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
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