Whatever is it that happens to make you so sure of something--to have total certainty that something is going in this direction--and then to have that hope be challenged?
The Lord challenged me massively on friday relating to a certain 'issue' that ive been dealing with for over a year--something that, until friday, i had been so certain about... the Lord's voice was stronger than it had ever been in my entire life--there was massive favor and encouragement present--and his presence in my life has been huge--not directly as a result of this issue, however, but i can see the intensity of my relationship has grown just by observing the progress of this issue.
And on friday, the Lord told me to let it go.
oh.
ok.
So what happens now?
I know that he isn't going to leave me now, I know that he knows what he's doing, but its still heartbreaking.
I have a natural inclination to find a purpose for everything going on--meaning to how and why i feel certain ways, why things work out the way they do, and why situations must be. This kind of situation im currently in, then, throws a big wrench in that whole rational line of thought.
Does there have to be a reason for everything? Do i have to understand why everything happened? No, of course not. His ways are higher than my ways. I don't get it 98% of the time. But that doesnt mean i dont want to understand whats going on, why things happened, where this leads.
It's all relatively tough to wrap my brain around, so i can imagine how chaotic all this sounds being its so vague.
There is a faith, there is a hope, there is a love. These aren't just nice concepts--they're real things. This is exactly the kind of situation that they are made for. In fact, this is the type of situation in which the Lord wants us to take hold of him--and thats exactly what I did on friday; its exactly what I'm doing now, at every moment.
That's all.
PS I deleted my facebook. I know its not permanent, but whew! Look how much time i have!
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Zach, i totally get it. I have been in a few situations like this, that stretch you unbearably. Where you go "Okay, Lord, I know this is you, and I'm okay with it. But it would be easier if I understood why." Not knowing why but trusting nonetheless has probably been the #1 toughest experience for me as a Christian. And he always comes through, full of amazing favor, grace, and blessing I never imagined, but still...it's hard, dude. Hang in there.
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